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H e r m i o n e  &  H a r r y  > >  F a n  F i c t i o n

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Title: Look
Author: Lea (AKA spikesbitch)
Author Email: emeryl@ozemail.com.au
Author Website: http://feedthesoul.hyperboards.com
Category: Angst
Spoilers: The first five books are fair game.
Rating: PG
Summary: I don’t know what would be worse. Never being friends with them; or being their closest friend yet still excluded. Ron analyses the friendship between Harry and Hermione.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

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I don't know what would be worse. Never being friends with them; or being their closest friend yet still excluded. They don't do it purposefully but that still doesn't make it hurt any less.

It was the entirely unconscious things which were the worst. Like the way she would turn slightly opening herself up to him more. Or the way he was always so close to her, millimetres from touching.

Others considered me lucky. I was part of the famous 'Trio'. They don't know what its like. To be a part of something huge but always on the outer. To be hanging in a strange kind of limbo; apart from one group because of what you have seen and apart from the other because of what you haven't seen.

More and more it was becoming the two of them. I know it wasn't purposeful. It was just the way it happened. They were quicker, smarter and braver. They both lived on a level no one could pretend to understand. Part of a select few.

Ever since the first year they always had this pull between them. Even before we were all that close Harry seemed to be on the unconscious look out for her; not that I knew that then. It was him who remembered her when there was that troll. I was only there for the ride.

Then there was Hermione, often seen working herself to the bone. Everyone thought she was studying but only a select few knew that she was looking for countless spells, charms, potions for the upcoming war. Anything that might give Harry that extra edge. Keep him alive for an extra year, day, even a single second.

Faces close together they laugh over some private joke as they study. Brilliant smiles light up their faces. They never smile like that with anyone else. Together is the only way they seem to be able to relax, be content with themselves, let their guard down conscious the other has their back.

I'm a bad person. Wallowing in self pity when two of my closest friends spent their lives waiting for the day which would either save us all, kill them or possibly both. Ultimately it was Harry's burden but there was no way in the nine circles of hell that Hermione was going to let him face it alone.

Harry once talked about the coming war. Talking about the fact he could die he was calm. Like he had accepted that as a fact. That he was almost willing it too come. Hermione was mentioned and then the emotion came. He was willing to do anything to stop her. Part of him knew that he couldn't. He didn't want to accept it. In his mind nothing was going to happen to Hermione.

It was all through Hogwarts that they were a couple. They weren't. When asked they both denied it but they did nothing to quash the rumours. It was a joke to them. Everyone saw past the 'we're just friends' routine. If they weren't secretly together we all knew that they would be soon.

I dread that day. That day it will become official that I'm no longer needed. I've been blessing every second they both hold out on their hormones so I can feel useful. Be a part of the 'Trio'. That's all I know how to be.

Part of me is still fooled that it is all just hormones. We're teenagers. Opposite sex best friends, its bound to happen. I know it's not that. It's something stronger. Something too powerful to explain.

Yet still they deny it. Hide behind the veil of friendship. They are both scared. I can see it in their eyes.

One day they won't be scared. It will happen soon. My final tie to them cut, leaving me stranded. Alone.

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